Anyone who has ever read my blogs knows that I am a very active dreamer. About two weeks ago I had the most wonderful and yet bothersome dream. I have ALWAYS been single. Sure I have been involved but marriage was never on the table. Like a lot of sisters I went through those periods of loneliness, extreme loneliness and OH GOD WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME when it came to jumping the broom and thus experienced men and relationships that were not for me.
Then, with a new Godly-encounter, I began to like me and do those things that I and me like doing together in spite of. I also became a mom and began to do all those wonderful little things that new moms do (okay so initially I failed in the remembering to feed the child dept. but I got the hang of it). The two things combined did what being a workaholic never cured - turned the loneliness into a wonderful kind of love. When I got to that comfort with self and loving my son, I never thought about marriage constantly anymore or had those OH GOD WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME moments anymore. Did I and God talk about what I wanted and needed to experience in a relationship? Absolutely. Did I spell out what I was willing to accept for me and define what was really going to impress me beyond the superficial? Yes! I was clear and very detailed in EVERY AREA and so I moved forward. I was content and am content in being single knowing this is the season for it in my life.
Oh, the dream! So first I have to confess, I have a MAJOR THING for Dennis Haysbert, the lead guy from The Unit and the Allstate commercial guy. Have mercy! In any event, in this dream, some friends and my little niece and I were at some kind of flea market thing and there was this guy there, voice like Haysbert's and about as tall, nice hands and why I paid attention to them - no clue. He immediately became very comfortable in the way he spoke to me and in what seemed like an instant was endeared to me. In this dream, my friends, niece and I hung out for awhile and he hung out with us. He and I went back and forth gleaning information from each other through a long list of questions and challenging responses. What caught me off guard in this dream is that in the course of walking and talking, in a very natural, non-thought kind of matter, he put his arm around me and I was warmly in place. That moment was so freakingly and amazingly real that I woke up feeling his arm around me and asking God, "why now?"
It occurred to me as I thought about a very loving relationship a dear friend of mine is involved and an absolutely-not relationship another dear friend was potentially entering that perhaps the dream came to tell me there is something I need to be reminded of. That is, there are still remnants of the woman that loves hard, sincerely and passionately within me and her season may be drawing near. The WHY NOW has a lot to do with several things: health challenges, growing a business that is still in its finding balance stages, a son hitting puberty HARD and preparing to go to middle school and on and on.
The WHY NOW comes from a place of knowing that the romantic in me - if I allow her will always supersede the woman that knows the Bible says to guard your heart. When the romantic shows up, I got you flowers sounds like HE'S GONNA LOVE ME FOREVER! I showered this morning and felt my skin come alive as I used Yeyefini's Mango Ginger Sugar Scrub (you should get some of this www.yeyefini.com). I laughed remembering her instructions to use it and go out in public so "that man" would find me. Why now - is never about our timing is it? It is about the fact that if we took the time to do everything we believe we need to do in order to do what we believe we want/must/need or are called to do - we won't do a thing. This is not the time to be in love or put marriage back on the list of prayers for me - at least that's what I say. Yet somehow, I believe divinity is saying otherwise and so a sister is guarding her heart and looking for that warm hug so hot it wakes you from slumber. If he does not come for another five or ten years - it's all good. For even in love, romance and passion I have learned what it is to abound and be abased.
A Georgia girl that loves quiet, a good neo-Soul, R & B or gospel song, and a chilled tall class of diet cola.