Hi - my name is Emily Claudette Freeman and I have some confessions to make because I am officially, finally and thoroughly sick and tired of the enemy - supernatural and natural and self inflicted - condemning me. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! That felt good!
I should probably start with a disclaimer here and say that some of you that know me personally are probably going to look at me in a totally different light after reading this and it may be a light that grows dim. I am okay with that, because this is more about illuminating my purpose and worth by removing the darkness that inner and outer condemnation brings.
I need to confess out loud (okay writing is clearly my strong way of communicating, so flow with me). I need to confess the following so that they no longer possess a place of power, detriment, negativity, manipulation, lies and speculations in my life:
1) I have been an adulterer
2) I have been a liar and occasionally one still comes
3) I have intentionally and unintentionally manipulated situations to my benefit and been knocked the hell out by the consequences thereof
4) I have exercised numerous sexual indiscretions and have and do live with the consequences thereof mentally, spiritually and medically
5) I have family/friends that are homosexuals, bisexuals (although I really don't get that), criminals of various levels, recovering addicts and alcoholics and have other sinful things that they struggle with - I choose to love them and relate to them where they are so if they ever need a sincere, humble and non-judgmental person to confess to, cleanse or confide in - I am there. I do not walk in their lifestyles as I am fully aware that the Bible says how can two walk together unless they agree; I simply do not condemn them nor judge them harshly. Nor do I look at everything they do based on whether they are homosexual, a recovering addict, etc. I look at their character and intent and when those things do not line up - I separate self.
6) I have made some horrible and detrimental business decisions that have cost me dearly
7) I have jumped into the fire without realizing that getting burned is an option and without ever counting the cost of what happens after you (and in some instances those attached to you) get burned
8) I owe a lot of people money and nothing else, meaning I do not owe you the right to dog me, curse me, abuse me or degrade me because I do - I have learned that is the attachment to money that creates walls and so many negative things and thus the Biblical principle, "owe no man."
9) I have friends that practice Islam/Moslem, Yoruba/Ifa/Locumi, Catholic and various other faiths (none satanic) and I embrace them - for each have taught me how to understand and love the God I serve better. I have learned to apply some Biblical principles in my life based on their understanding and practice of those things through their faith. The words of the Bible have been illuminated to me beyond tradition because of their understanding and I hope I have been able to illuminate the God I love for each of them.
10) I have been ridiculed, scorned, called a failure, a fool, a poor judge of all things, not considerate, not thinking, kicked to curb and called a whole list of other things and ignored in various fashions by family members closest to me, friends who have known me for years and those who in m mind should always be there for you.
11) I have allowed my pride to block blessings, keep me from asking for help and keep me in a position of lack
12) I have been afraid of my potential and kept myself in a position of second-handedness (that's not a word is it?) because it was easier to be less than as opposed to what I am created to be
13) I want to slap the hell out of those in #10 sometimes more than I want to pray for them, but I pray for them nonetheless
14) I have wanted to tell every prophet that God has sent in the last few years to speak and confirm His calling on my life, His desire to turn my situation right side up and His absolute greatness in me - to just shut up - because I couldn't see beyond the temporal situation
15) I am a Black woman who absolutely loves everything that comes with that from every perspective and do not make apology for my muse of color occasionally showing in various areas of my life
16) I have hurt so much that in the darkest hours I have considered suicide
17) I have lost so many dear to me that I could not believe God was just
18) I have been mad at, yelled at, argued with and ignored God because I felt that there were times He had in fact forsaken me and was leaving me to wallow in my mess
19) I have walked into business and partnership ventures eyes wide shut, ignoring red flags and gigantic stop signs and have paid for it financially, emotionally, in relationships and in too much intellectual time.
20) I have made money decisions from places of desperation and fear and thus money and I seemed fierce rivals
21) I have clearly heard the voice of God and felt the nudging of His Word in my life and ignored it, like I do when my son does that thing where he says MA over and over and over again for no reason.
22) I have allowed the enemy to beat me down in condemnation from these and other things that simply just do not come to mind at the moment. I allowed the beat down in fact to become my first stream of thought and did everything through the lenses of defeat, despair, disgust and despondency that condemnation provides. I was living in failure's community yet could not understand why that same failure was abundantly prevalent around me.
I have released every note of condemnation and I refuse to pick them back up. What I have picked up is a new level of spiritual fortitude that assures me I am a co-heir and a partner to divinity and therefore what I speak can change the atmosphere and the universe so that what I need and what I desire come into fruition. What I have picked up is a new level of I don't care what you think; instead I care what God thinks and what He thinks about those 22 (and more) things listed is that they are cast into the sea of forgetfulness and since I never learned to swim, there is no reason for me to keep playing in its waves. What I have picked up is a new level of tapping into my calling and my greatness and expecting those actions to create whole and holistic prosperity.
There is an adage that says you cannot be healed from what you do not confess. The Bible (which without excuse is my strategy manual) says we overcome by the words of our testimony. Thus, I am making a conscious decision to open myself up to the healing and blessing of overcoming that is promised of God. I implore you - do not let the enemy keep you from confession towards healing and clothed in condemnation. Tell the enemy, all of his workers and his mental influence on you to step off; you confess what he wanted to use for psychological torture and the thwarting of your destiny - so shut-it-up! Now fill your space with words of praise, affirmations of power, scriptural notes of edification. You are in fact royalty - so stand in your power at the throne and live life without the darkness that condemnation brings and without the shame that your truths holds.
Recently, a client and I were conversing over breakfast. I shared an idea with him for a book that could be used to help market the business of a friend of his. In that conversation, he shared that he was growing very disappointed with another friend who has been "threatening" to start a book for about a year now - yet continuously has excuses or hesitation about doing so.
As I cut my country gravy drenched chicken fried steak (don't judge me I don't eat it often), I said to him - "I want you to give it up now. Give up the notion that the book is ever going to get written. The interest is only there because you continue to bring it up."
He nodded,"You are probably right. But ..."
"No buts ... it ain't happening!" I assured him. "Not unless you are going to write it and right now we need to focus on getting your work and writing consistent." I went on to tell him something that I have learned and continue to learn (unfortunately) the hard way ... sometimes the potential we see in others is really not there, and if it is there perhaps it is not our duty to pull it out - but their responsibility to release it.
There is a saying that relates to the strength of friendships or partnerships - "ride or die". The term implies that whatever the connection is - it is strong until the end. That end could be riding to the moon or dying in the process. I only want to be one person's ride or die and that is God's. That may seem strange being a single mother, but I understand that if I ride and die with God - then all will be abundantly sufficient and overflowing for my boopsie (oops - son). Often when we become ride or die - we get killed in the journey because we fail to understand that the nature of that kind of relationship does not include being bold enough to tell someone to turn left instead of right, or getting out of the car all together. It simply means - you ride or die with me, according to how I do, what I do and when I do.
Almost, in a stroke of unconsciousness, we do this in so many of our friendships, partnerships and relationships. We jump into the car or feel the wind blowing across our skin on the back of that motorcycle and we begin to support and promote someone else's agenda to the point that we are more involved and invested in it than they are. We have become the ride or die sidekick. In fact, we have put ourselves into the drivers' seat on their journey and we get disappointed, upset and even angry when we realize they are sightseeing while we are navigating, estimating costs, investing everything that is needed, planning the next leg and driving.
I have done it and so have you. I have done it when it came to business ideas of friends and family, when it came to lovers and even as it related/relates to some of my clients. I pull and pull and pull and say when and when and when - I am yelling as professionally and tactfully as I can - COME ON WE ARE RIDING TOGETHER REMEMBER! What I should be doing is some serious interrogation to determine if the journey has in fact died and I should simply leave the car parked at the next exit and get out and head back on the journey mapped out for me and my companies and/or me and my life.
We should absolutely help others; but we should also understand that help must be defined and often it should be sought. When we move into an unsolicited situation we open ourselves to the possibilities of enforcing our passion into another's vision which will lead to disappointment. When help is solicited, we must then only provide what we are divinely instructed to, within the confines of what we can, so that assistance is sincere and pure. We must also understand that helping and pushing or pulling others into their destiny is also as much about God's perfect timing as it is God's perfect will and purpose - and our interference creates imperfection.
As I write this I realize I am behind the wheel of several vehicles that I can no longer drive or even be a passenger in. I have to be the big girl that I am and say, "I ain't (yeah I am liking that word this time around) your ride or die chick." I am the co-pilot in my own journey and I cannot keep taking detours to get others where they are not willingly, diligently with purposed perseverance and keen interest ready to go. So what am I saying? I am saying as difficult as it may be there are some in your familial, platonic, romantic, professional, church, business or other circles that need a hard kick with an even harder statement - ride or get out of the car! You see the other thing I have learned is those who will not drive their journey also have no problem riding on yours and providing all kinds of sharp, negative and judgmental criticisms.
Are these the passengers needed as you travel? How much more laborious and distressing your trip then becomes! You need to tell yourself in some of your relationships and you need to tell some others in your relationships, that it is time for a passenger check - and one of us needs to ride or get out of the car and it is okay because in every journey just as you embark, at some point along the way, disembarking - is always a viable option.
A Georgia girl that loves quiet, a good neo-Soul, R & B or gospel song, and a chilled tall class of diet cola.