Hi - my name is Emily Claudette Freeman and I have some confessions to make because I am officially, finally and thoroughly sick and tired of the enemy - supernatural and natural and self inflicted - condemning me. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! That felt good!
I should probably start with a disclaimer here and say that some of you that know me personally are probably going to look at me in a totally different light after reading this and it may be a light that grows dim. I am okay with that, because this is more about illuminating my purpose and worth by removing the darkness that inner and outer condemnation brings.
I need to confess out loud (okay writing is clearly my strong way of communicating, so flow with me). I need to confess the following so that they no longer possess a place of power, detriment, negativity, manipulation, lies and speculations in my life:
1) I have been an adulterer
2) I have been a liar and occasionally one still comes
3) I have intentionally and unintentionally manipulated situations to my benefit and been knocked the hell out by the consequences thereof
4) I have exercised numerous sexual indiscretions and have and do live with the consequences thereof mentally, spiritually and medically
5) I have family/friends that are homosexuals, bisexuals (although I really don't get that), criminals of various levels, recovering addicts and alcoholics and have other sinful things that they struggle with - I choose to love them and relate to them where they are so if they ever need a sincere, humble and non-judgmental person to confess to, cleanse or confide in - I am there. I do not walk in their lifestyles as I am fully aware that the Bible says how can two walk together unless they agree; I simply do not condemn them nor judge them harshly. Nor do I look at everything they do based on whether they are homosexual, a recovering addict, etc. I look at their character and intent and when those things do not line up - I separate self.
6) I have made some horrible and detrimental business decisions that have cost me dearly
7) I have jumped into the fire without realizing that getting burned is an option and without ever counting the cost of what happens after you (and in some instances those attached to you) get burned
8) I owe a lot of people money and nothing else, meaning I do not owe you the right to dog me, curse me, abuse me or degrade me because I do - I have learned that is the attachment to money that creates walls and so many negative things and thus the Biblical principle, "owe no man."
9) I have friends that practice Islam/Moslem, Yoruba/Ifa/Locumi, Catholic and various other faiths (none satanic) and I embrace them - for each have taught me how to understand and love the God I serve better. I have learned to apply some Biblical principles in my life based on their understanding and practice of those things through their faith. The words of the Bible have been illuminated to me beyond tradition because of their understanding and I hope I have been able to illuminate the God I love for each of them.
10) I have been ridiculed, scorned, called a failure, a fool, a poor judge of all things, not considerate, not thinking, kicked to curb and called a whole list of other things and ignored in various fashions by family members closest to me, friends who have known me for years and those who in m mind should always be there for you.
11) I have allowed my pride to block blessings, keep me from asking for help and keep me in a position of lack
12) I have been afraid of my potential and kept myself in a position of second-handedness (that's not a word is it?) because it was easier to be less than as opposed to what I am created to be
13) I want to slap the hell out of those in #10 sometimes more than I want to pray for them, but I pray for them nonetheless
14) I have wanted to tell every prophet that God has sent in the last few years to speak and confirm His calling on my life, His desire to turn my situation right side up and His absolute greatness in me - to just shut up - because I couldn't see beyond the temporal situation
15) I am a Black woman who absolutely loves everything that comes with that from every perspective and do not make apology for my muse of color occasionally showing in various areas of my life
16) I have hurt so much that in the darkest hours I have considered suicide
17) I have lost so many dear to me that I could not believe God was just
18) I have been mad at, yelled at, argued with and ignored God because I felt that there were times He had in fact forsaken me and was leaving me to wallow in my mess
19) I have walked into business and partnership ventures eyes wide shut, ignoring red flags and gigantic stop signs and have paid for it financially, emotionally, in relationships and in too much intellectual time.
20) I have made money decisions from places of desperation and fear and thus money and I seemed fierce rivals
21) I have clearly heard the voice of God and felt the nudging of His Word in my life and ignored it, like I do when my son does that thing where he says MA over and over and over again for no reason.
22) I have allowed the enemy to beat me down in condemnation from these and other things that simply just do not come to mind at the moment. I allowed the beat down in fact to become my first stream of thought and did everything through the lenses of defeat, despair, disgust and despondency that condemnation provides. I was living in failure's community yet could not understand why that same failure was abundantly prevalent around me.
I have released every note of condemnation and I refuse to pick them back up. What I have picked up is a new level of spiritual fortitude that assures me I am a co-heir and a partner to divinity and therefore what I speak can change the atmosphere and the universe so that what I need and what I desire come into fruition. What I have picked up is a new level of I don't care what you think; instead I care what God thinks and what He thinks about those 22 (and more) things listed is that they are cast into the sea of forgetfulness and since I never learned to swim, there is no reason for me to keep playing in its waves. What I have picked up is a new level of tapping into my calling and my greatness and expecting those actions to create whole and holistic prosperity.
There is an adage that says you cannot be healed from what you do not confess. The Bible (which without excuse is my strategy manual) says we overcome by the words of our testimony. Thus, I am making a conscious decision to open myself up to the healing and blessing of overcoming that is promised of God. I implore you - do not let the enemy keep you from confession towards healing and clothed in condemnation. Tell the enemy, all of his workers and his mental influence on you to step off; you confess what he wanted to use for psychological torture and the thwarting of your destiny - so shut-it-up! Now fill your space with words of praise, affirmations of power, scriptural notes of edification. You are in fact royalty - so stand in your power at the throne and live life without the darkness that condemnation brings and without the shame that your truths holds.
A Georgia girl that loves quiet, a good neo-Soul, R & B or gospel song, and a chilled tall class of diet cola.