There are just certain songs that make us realize or celebrate different parts of our power and our significance. Those songs may change from time to time; while some will always have a lasting impact. I used to work with a guy that would laugh at me, because he discovered if he wanted to knock me off balance for a few moments all he needed to do was play LOVE BALLAD by LTD. The song still awakens the power of passionate love in me. A few years ago I discovered a track on an Anthony Hamilton CD, I think the title is PASS ME OVER, but the spirit of that song spoke to me - if I am dreaming don't wake me, don't disturb that special spiritual conversation for me. The song speaks to the wonderful power to dream in me. Finally, there is never a time, I listen to Lamar Campbell's CLOSER, that I am going to listen to it only once or listen without coming to tears. The song speaks to the power of loving God close enough to realize when you mess up NOTHING WILL BE RIGHT until you get close to HIM again. For some, your seasonal power songs may be the slamming Mary J. Blige, FINE. Or Kerri Hilson's PRETTY GIRL ROCK. Or Yolanda Adams's BE BLESSED. Or Martha Munizzi's rendition of BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE. Or Jonathan Butler's FALLING IN LOVE WITH JESUS. These songs ignite a certain power within.
For the past several months, or perhaps a year, I have struggled with feeling like my life was not connecting. God and I are closer now then we have ever been, and through understanding and examining Him through other faiths, I have developed a deeper intimacy as a Christian. God recently showed me something about myself and I had to laugh realizing that He (of course) was absolutely correct about the character flaw He shined His spotlight on. Then as I read the third Chapter of the Biblical book of Ephesians, I was hit right in the middle of my big old pecan tan forehead, just beneath the spot where the gray is growing in and just above the spot where my naturally arched eyebrows grow; about that character flaw and my feeling of disconnect.
I got the disconnection within when God pulled something out of my memory bank. When we were kids growing up on NW 52 Street, and then NW 177 Terrace in South Florida, there are times we would experience black outs - especially in the summer. Yet, we would not hide indoors, parents would take to their front porches and kids would play in the dark as though the streets lights were still on. We knew that while power wasn't channeling light to our street, there still was undoubtedly power that would be re-ignited. We never questioned that there was power somewhere and it would show up again.
Ephesians 3: 7 reads: of which I became a minister according to the gift of the grace of God given to me by the effective working of His power.
Ephesians 3:16-17 reads: that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory to be strengthened (empowered) with might through His Spirit in the inner man. That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.
and finally, Ephesians 3: 20-21 records: Now to Him who is able to exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.
Now, I'm a reader and when I read there are just lines (if written well) that will jump off the page and speak to my intellect, my creativity and my understanding. That happened as I read these three areas of verse. The things that jumped out at me all have to do with understanding that there is already a divine power within and God will do amazing things for you and through you when you work what is already in you. Seriously?
Seriously, the lines that jumped for me:
from verse 7 - the effective working of His power
from verse 16 - to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man
and while I have done the benediction in church for years, I missed the POWER of the word ACCORDING in verse 21 until it popped me in the forehead. It says He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think ACCORDING to the POWER THAT WORKS IN US.
I realized that like reactors somehow disconnect and power is lost to homes. I had somehow disconnected from the very power that God placed in me even before my birth. In the disconnect, trying to see in the dark was where I focused, instead of focusing on the truth that there is power in me to bring Light. My struggle has not been because I believed God could not handle my woes. My struggle has been that I disconnected from the power He has already instilled. With my inner power disconnected I move in only a shadow of what I am to be. When I do not effectively work His power within, then He can only do what my faith and my power give Him room to do.
Oh, if you could have seen the look on my face as that revelation slid down my face! Dude! Baby girl! - reach in and turn on your power, then work in it effectively, so that God can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that you can ask or think according to that power. I am so encouraged and I pray that my power connection is recharged, restored and re-energized because me and exceeding abundance have some things to do. What about you?
Anyone who has ever read my blogs knows that I am a very active dreamer. About two weeks ago I had the most wonderful and yet bothersome dream. I have ALWAYS been single. Sure I have been involved but marriage was never on the table. Like a lot of sisters I went through those periods of loneliness, extreme loneliness and OH GOD WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME when it came to jumping the broom and thus experienced men and relationships that were not for me.
Then, with a new Godly-encounter, I began to like me and do those things that I and me like doing together in spite of. I also became a mom and began to do all those wonderful little things that new moms do (okay so initially I failed in the remembering to feed the child dept. but I got the hang of it). The two things combined did what being a workaholic never cured - turned the loneliness into a wonderful kind of love. When I got to that comfort with self and loving my son, I never thought about marriage constantly anymore or had those OH GOD WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME moments anymore. Did I and God talk about what I wanted and needed to experience in a relationship? Absolutely. Did I spell out what I was willing to accept for me and define what was really going to impress me beyond the superficial? Yes! I was clear and very detailed in EVERY AREA and so I moved forward. I was content and am content in being single knowing this is the season for it in my life.
Oh, the dream! So first I have to confess, I have a MAJOR THING for Dennis Haysbert, the lead guy from The Unit and the Allstate commercial guy. Have mercy! In any event, in this dream, some friends and my little niece and I were at some kind of flea market thing and there was this guy there, voice like Haysbert's and about as tall, nice hands and why I paid attention to them - no clue. He immediately became very comfortable in the way he spoke to me and in what seemed like an instant was endeared to me. In this dream, my friends, niece and I hung out for awhile and he hung out with us. He and I went back and forth gleaning information from each other through a long list of questions and challenging responses. What caught me off guard in this dream is that in the course of walking and talking, in a very natural, non-thought kind of matter, he put his arm around me and I was warmly in place. That moment was so freakingly and amazingly real that I woke up feeling his arm around me and asking God, "why now?"
It occurred to me as I thought about a very loving relationship a dear friend of mine is involved and an absolutely-not relationship another dear friend was potentially entering that perhaps the dream came to tell me there is something I need to be reminded of. That is, there are still remnants of the woman that loves hard, sincerely and passionately within me and her season may be drawing near. The WHY NOW has a lot to do with several things: health challenges, growing a business that is still in its finding balance stages, a son hitting puberty HARD and preparing to go to middle school and on and on.
The WHY NOW comes from a place of knowing that the romantic in me - if I allow her will always supersede the woman that knows the Bible says to guard your heart. When the romantic shows up, I got you flowers sounds like HE'S GONNA LOVE ME FOREVER! I showered this morning and felt my skin come alive as I used Yeyefini's Mango Ginger Sugar Scrub (you should get some of this www.yeyefini.com). I laughed remembering her instructions to use it and go out in public so "that man" would find me. Why now - is never about our timing is it? It is about the fact that if we took the time to do everything we believe we need to do in order to do what we believe we want/must/need or are called to do - we won't do a thing. This is not the time to be in love or put marriage back on the list of prayers for me - at least that's what I say. Yet somehow, I believe divinity is saying otherwise and so a sister is guarding her heart and looking for that warm hug so hot it wakes you from slumber. If he does not come for another five or ten years - it's all good. For even in love, romance and passion I have learned what it is to abound and be abased.
A Georgia girl that loves quiet, a good neo-Soul, R & B or gospel song, and a chilled tall class of diet cola.